Coaching Videos & Tips - September 12 2019 No.620
IN FEAR OF FEAR
The question was "what's holding you back?" - and, whilst the individual answers might vary, there's a fearful thread running through them. The truth of the matter, though, is that there's only one barrier to your living the life that you want... and that's an inappropriate or unmanaged state of mind.
And, if you'd like to go a little deeper, don't forget that you can browse all the "back issues" in The Archive!
When was the last time you sat back (or stood back) and realized that you don't have a care in the world. Think about this. You may not have been aware of it at the time but, with a little hindsight, you will remember moments when you were completely carefree. These are what psychology calls "positive mental resources" - reminders, if you will, that we can and do have carefree moments.
Now, what might it be like if most days (lets crawl before we walk, before we run) would be like that. Think about it.
"That must have been a huge decision" - I've heard that (when I left the bank to work for myself in 1996 or when we moved to France in 2002), many of my clients recount hearing the self-same words when they set up a new business, when they moved to France (there's more than just me) or when they called a halt to a toxic relationship. To the casual observer, all such apparently big events are... BIG.
But to the mind that is in the zone, these things are neither big decisions nor events, they are another step in an evolution. When you're in the zone and you have a sense of the direction in which you'd like your life to evolve, each step along the way (they're all little steps) lead inexorably towards the inevitable. Such "decisions" become an unstoppable force.
One could be forgiven for thinking that they "just happen". And, often, it can feel like that. But nothing in life (other than the proverbial meteor falling from the sky) just happens - everything is the effect of a cause or, more to the point, a string of causes. I said in last week's video that being in the zone is not just a moment-to-moment thing, it is a moment-to-moment choice. At first we have to keep pinching ourselves to make that choice. But, the more we make that choice, the more that choice becomes our way of being... another unstoppable force.
The result of each of those little choices, the accumulation of many moments lived purposefully in the here and now, is the "just happenings" that, to the onlooker, are seismic or cataclysmic events. They're not, they're just today's inevitable progression.
What is the lesson from all this? Well, I often talk about what I call the "two-piece jigsaw" - I need to train myself to turn up to my life in the here and now and, having developed my ability to do so, I need to "set my mind" so that I inherently understand why I have turned up to the here and now - what I want out of this here and now in the context of the direction in which I want my life to go. That is all it takes to create the life that you really, really want.
Everything passes... even our beloved farmhouse table. And, over the last few weeks, having looked at a few alternatives, we've decided to replace it with an old-wood and metal table made locally - firstly, because it's going to be lovely, secondly because we're going to be supporting a small local business, thirdly because they make their stuff from recycled materials and, forthly, the guy who runs it is really nice.
So, over we went Saturday morning to give them our dimensions and place the order. In we walked to the showroom to be met by a young salesman who told us not to bother coming in because he was closing earlier than usual for lunch!
When I get home, when we get around to placing our order, do you think the owner should know?