Coaching Videos & Tips - June 20 2019 No.608
SHINY OBJECT SYNDROME
We're designed to be distracted. And, if there's nothing to distract us, hell, we'll distract ourselves... today's video explores
Don't forget, you can browse all 600 "back issues" in The Archive!
When (not if) you start thinking useless thoughts (like those I talk about in today's Reflecation) today... acknowledge them for what they are, take a few deep breaths and let them pass.
Everything passes. If you were to try to counter a useless thought by thinking something else, you enter into the vicious circle of thought... and it is just thought.
So, when you find yourself captive to your own useless thoughts, liberate yourself by taking a few moments to come to your senses... observe your surroundings, settle your mind and get back to the proper task in hand.
I talked about approval last week - more specifically I made the point that you need to approve of yourself. That simple statement opens up a whole big can of juicy worms, though, because, it turns out, self-loathing comes in all shapes and sizes, small, medium and large!
I recently talked to a client about self-forgiveness and the extent to which most people just can't do it. People tell me about how they've wasted time, how lazy they are, how inappropriate their behaviour as been and, to top it all off, how guilty they feel about it afterwards. Guilt is a little like stress, it makes an imaginary mountain out of a molehill. OK, say you're "lazy" (and even that is open to multiple interpretations). What's the best approach to move forward? Admit it, forgive it and move on... OR feel guilty about it, wallow in it and waste even more of your precious time? You know the answer. But knowing the answer doesn't mean that's what you'll opt for.
We're expect in circular thought, ruminative thought and self-deprecation - it's what keeps us from becoming complacent which is no bad thing (it was potentially life-ending 10,000 years ago). But, more importantly, it doesn't just stop us from moving forward, it drags us further off the straight and narrow which we should be pursuing, day-to-day, moment-to-moment, to get to where we want to go. Even worse, thinking "I am not worthy" constrains your understanding of where you really, really might want to go in your life.
I often talk about what I call "The Two-Piece Jigsaw"... well this is the dark side of the force!
I've recently explained to you that Lisa only has to sit somewhere for a couple of minutes for someone else to sit down and unload their woes on her. But, actually, she doesn't even have to sit down.
We were out walking at the weekend when a cyclist came flying down the hill at high speed and braked hard right in front of us. The girl leapt from the bike, confronted Lisa and stuck her finger in her own eye...
"Can you see if there's something in my eye" she shouted "I was speedy along and I felt something hit me - look" and she pressed her fully exposed eye into Lisa's face. And, yes, there was indeed a little speck which my lovely wife carefully removed.
We were then regailed for a full quarter of an hour on how the girl studies in Annecy, comes home for the weekends, loves her bike, etc., etc., etc.